Grandparents Apart UK
"Bringing families Together"
The systems we currently have are slow, expensive and don’t always work in the child’s best interest. It’s only by raising these concerns to to the highest level, will result in changes to the system.
Scotland
https://www.parliament.scot/msps
England
https://members.parliament.uk/FindYourMP
Wales
https://senedd.wales/find-a-member-of-the-senedd/
Northern Ireland
https://www.niassembly.gov.uk/your-mlas/locate-your-mla2/
‘Your Parenting Plan’ is designed to provide guidance for families going through
separation or divorce with the welfare of children at its heart.
First published in 2006, as the Parenting Agreement for Scotland, it has been refreshed
by the Scottish Government.
A ‘Parenting Plan’ toolkit has been developed to provide you with some useful background and resources, and
we are asking everyone for your support in raising awareness of the ‘Your Parenting Plan’ within your networks to
help as many families as possible access practical advice.
You can download the toolkit from this link.
There is also a Parenting Plan form, which can be downloaded directly here
The above links are hosted on the Scottish Government website.
| Contact | Tel No. | Website |
|---|---|---|
| Jane Jackson – (Bristol Grandparents Support Group) Help with information based on the English system | 07773258270 | http://www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk/ |
| National Family Mediation | 0300 4000 636 | http://www.nfm.org.uk/ |
| Scottish Mediation Network | 0131 556 1221 | http://www.scottishmediation.org.uk/ |
| Parentline Scotland | 08000 28 22 33 | https://childrenfirst.org.uk/ |
| Shared Parenting Scotland | 0131 557 2440 | https://www.sharedparenting.scot/ |
| National Domestic Abuse Helpline | 0808 2000 247 | https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ |
| Scottish Women’s Aid | 0131 226 6606 | https://womensaid.scot/ |
| Mankind Helpline | 0808 800 1170 | http://www.mankind.org.uk/ |
| Victim Support Male Helpline | 0800 328 3623 | https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/ |
| AMIS – Abused Men In Scotland | 03300 949395 | https://abusedmeninscotland.org/ |
| Children 1st | 0131 446 2300 | https://www.childrenfirst.org.uk/ |
| Scottish Social Services Council (complaints) | 0845 603 0891 | |
| Find your Councillor | https://www.gov.uk/find-your-local-councillors | |
| Find your MP | https://members.parliament.uk/FindYourMP | |
| Find your MSP | https://www.parliament.scot/msps | |
| Grandparents United for Children | https://www.grandparentsunitedforchildren.org.uk/ | |
| Grandchildren’s Rights Centre | https://www.grandchildrensrightscentre.org.uk/ | |
| Family Rights Group | 0808 801 0366 | http://www.frg.org.uk/ |
| Scottish Family Law Association | check website for Family Law Solicitor in your area | https://www.familylawassociation.org/ |
The Scottish Government’s aspiration for children and young people is clear: we want Scotland to be the best place in the world to grow up.
This means that parents or guardians, grandparents, teachers, doctors, social workers, youth workers and other people who are responsible for helping children and making decisions about their lives must do all they can to protect and care for them, to help them to do well at school and to make sure that they are happy, supported and confident.
Families are important to children
Families come in all shapes and sizes. Although parents are usually responsible for caring for their children and making sure their needs are met, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins can all play an important role in nurturing and supporting children.
Grandparents can be a source of stability and support. Whatever the situation, grandparents should work to put the interests and welfare of the child first. Sometimes this may be at the expense of grandparents’ personal preferences.
The support grandparents can give
All families experience difficulties. These can range from family quarrels through to divorce and separation, ill health or bereavement. Children and young people face their own difficulties too, for example with their relationships, at school or college, or with the strong emotions and challenges they face as they grow up.
During these times, children and young people can benefit from extra support. They may need someone to talk to, or simply a safe place where they can have fun. Grandparents can and do provide a vital source of stability in their grandchildren’s lives.
Sources of specialist support and advice for parents and others with parental responsibilities are listed towards the rear of the Your Parenting Plan guide.
About Your Parenting Plan
Written for parents who live apart or who are separating and published by The Scottish Government, Your Parenting Plan is a comprehensive guide to agreeing practical arrangements for the care and wellbeing of children (a ‘Parenting Plan’).
It contains detailed information on the kinds of things all parents should consider, from living arrangements to school and health matters, and lists many helpful organisations.
Copies of Your Parenting Plan and supporting materials can be downloaded or paper copies requested on the Scottish Government website.
“Every Christmas it’s the same. First my Dad insists that I have a huge turkey lunch at his house, then a few hours later my Mum makes me eat the same thing for my dinner…I don’t even like turkey!”
“I never see Granny and Grandad now. I used to go to their house a lot.”
About Parenting Plans
Parenting Plans are agreements between parents (or those with parental responsibilities) who live apart. Parenting Plans set out practical, workable arrangements for the care and welfare of their children. Family mediators and family law solicitors can help parents and carers to make Parenting Plans.
If you are a carer or a legal guardian for a grandchild, it may be beneficial for you to work with the child’s parents to agree a Parenting Plan. The Your Parenting Plan guide can help you do this.
If a family mediator or solicitor is not promoting a Parenting Plan, there may be good reasons for this including the welfare of the child.
When making a Parenting Plan is not appropriate
Using Your Parenting Plan is not recommended if there is a history of violence or abuse, if one person is fearful of another, or if one of the adults involved has made threats or other attempts to control one of the other people involved.
Where there are any safety concerns, either about children or any adults involved, it is vital to seek further advice. Ask your local Social Work Department, a solicitor, or one of the agencies listed under “Support for Families” at the rear of the Your Parenting Plan guide.
For more guidance on when making a Parenting Plan is appropriate, see the “First Steps” section of Your Parenting Plan.
What’s in a Parenting Plan?
A typical plan might cover:
Where your children will live and when they will spend time with each parent
Who else can look after them
How children can maintain relationships with other people who are important to them
School and school holidays
Trips away and special days such as birthdays, Christmas and other celebrations
Health
Money matters
How you will share important information about your children
How you will review the plan as the child grows up or circumstances change
If contact with a grandchild is lost
Sometimes, a child or young person can lose contact with their grandparents. There may have been a family quarrel, a house move, or a change in who is caring for the children.
When there are problems in families, solutions can be hard to find. Tempers can run high, and family members may take sides. Everyone involved should be prepared to put the welfare of the child first and look for a way forward that’s best for them.
Whatever the problem in your family, it is important to look beyond your own feelings and to help the children stay in touch with the people who are important to them. Doing so will make it easier for them to adjust to any new situations.
Intergenerational Mediation can help in these circumstances. To find services near you, contact Relationships Scotland on 0345 119 2020 or see details of family mediation services on page 36 of the Your Parenting Plan guide.
Doing what’s best for children
It is important that parents, grandparents and other family members speak to, and treat each other, with respect. You may not get on, but you can still be civil for the sake of the children.
Try to avoid arguing with, or criticising, family members in front of the children. Doing this is likely to be very upsetting for children and make it harder for them to be open with you about what’s going on in their lives.
On occasions, professional organisations such as social work departments or the courts can become involved and may have to make decisions that will have a lasting impact on the child.
In these circumstances it is vital that the loving and supportive role that grandparents and the wider family can play is respected and protected for the child.
When contact is not possible
Sometimes the courts or other authorities with responsibilities for children may decide that it is not appropriate for a child to keep in touch with family members, including grandparents.
These decisions are taken very seriously and are made because restricting contact is seen to be in the best interests of the child.
It may still be possible for contact to be kept up in a supervised way, for example through child contact centres. For more information on family contact options, speak to a solicitor or contact one of the agencies listed under “Support for Families” at the rear of the Your Parenting Plan guide.
Families are important to children – Children have a right to expect:
To be involved with, and helped to understand, decisions made about their lives.
To be treated fairly.
To know and maintain relationships with their family (except in very exceptional circumstances) and other people who are important to them.
To know their family history.
That the adults in their lives will put their needs first and protect them from disputes between adults.
That the adults in their lives will try to resolve any difficulties they have with each other directly and never expect children to take sides.
That social workers, when making assessments about their lives, will take into account the loving and supporting role grandparents can play.
That the courts, when making decisions about their lives, will take into account the loving and supporting role grandparents can play.
That lawyers and other advisers will encourage adults to use relationship counselling or family mediation when they seek advice on matters affecting them and their children.
“I’ve got my own mobile phone now, so I can go to my room and talk to Dad whenever I want to. I can keep in touch with my Gran as well.”
“Makes me wonder how we ever managed without a proper plan for the school holidays.”
“It wasn’t so bad. It reminded me we used to talk a lot about all kinds of things. It’s easier now when we do see each other.”
“I liked that mum and dad both asked me what I think.”
Copies of Your Parenting Plan and supporting materials can be downloaded or paper copies requested here
Scottish Ministers’ vision for children and young people in Scotland is that they are safe, nurtured, achieving, healthy, respected and responsible, active and included.
This means that parents or guardians, grandparents, teachers, doctors, social workers and other people who are responsible for helping children and making decisions about their lives must do all they can to protect and care for them, to help them to do well at school and to make sure that they are happy, supported and confident.
Families are important to children
Families come in all shapes and sizes. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins can all play an important role in nurturing children. While parents are responsible for caring for their children and making sure their needs are met, the wider family can play a vital supporting role.
Family life is usually happy but sometimes there can be difficulties. These can range from family quarrels through to divorce and separation to ill health or death. During these times, the children in the family may need extra support. They may want someone to talk to, or simply a safe place where they can have fun. Grandparents can and do play a vital role in helping children to maintain some stability in their lives.
Sometimes, children or young people may lose contact with their grandparents. This can be for a variety of reasons. There may have been a family quarrel, a house move, or a change in who is caring for the children.
When there are problems in families, it can be difficult to see a solution. Tempers can run high, and family members may take sides. Everyone involved should be prepared to put the welfare of the child first and be ready to compromise. Whatever the problem in your family, it is important to look beyond your own feelings to help the children stay in touch with the people who are important to them as well as to adjust to a new situation.
It is important that parents, grandparents and other family members speak to, and treat each other, with respect. You may not get on, but you can still be civil for the sake of the children. Try to avoid arguing with, or criticising, family members in front of the children. It can be very upsetting for them.
On occasions professional organisations such as social work departments or the courts can become involved and may have to make decisions that will have a lasting impact throughout a child’s entire life. In these circumstances it is vital that the loving and supportive role that the wider family, in particular grandparents, can play is respected and protected for the child.
FAMILIES ARE IMPORTANT TO CHILDREN – GRANDCHILDREN CAN EXPECT:
Further copies available from www.scotland.gov.uk or phone 0131 244 3581.
I saw Jimmy and Margaret Deuchars of Grandparents Apart UK talking on GMT TV about grandparents losing contact with their grandchildren and immediately felt a warmness from them and after a while I felt a compulsion to contact them.
I Explained to them that I lost my daughter to a brain illness and because of the devastation and mixed emotions I lost contact with my granddaughter and her paternal family. I felt It was the end of my world and being on my own I was so confused and in so much pain I didn’t know where to turn.
Jimmy and Margaret were very reassuring and understanding and after a time invited me to come up to Scotland to try and reconcile with my granddaughters family who had moved from England to Scotland.
Jimmy said, “she is a very brave lady to put her trust in strangers and travel all this way on her own not really knowing what was ahead of her but her determination to see her daughter’s child is very strong”.
The Gran said “Over two days we visited the paternal grandparents and with Margaret at my side to mediate it gave me the courage to go through with it”.
I was terrified as we approached the door, what if they reject me I thought. We were very courteously invited in by the granddad and with Margaret’s help explained why I was there and was listened to with interest and courtesy but after a while we left.
On our way back to Glasgow the phone went and it was my son to tell me the dad had come in from work and could I call back as he was very anxious to see me after what the granddad told him.
We put everything else on hold and about turned and headed straight back . My granddaughter whom I had only seen as a baby was waiting at the door and was overjoyed with excitement and said she will tell her whole class about her grandma from England visiting her.
My son-in-law gave me a cuddle and we talked for a long time” and parted with cuddles and phone numbers and promises to keep in touch. I was over the moon. Jimmy and Margaret took me to see my daughters grave and now I will die a happy lady knowing that my daughter in heaven will be overjoyed at our reconciliation.
Margaret said “when people really put their heart into it and putting the welfare of child first it is amazing what can be achieved. Mediation certainly worked for this family and could work in 75% of problems in families if it is widely enough promoted.
Hi James, feel free to post our story on your web site, if our fighting for a change helps just one grandparent, I’ll be so happy, some grandparents must find it hard to talk to people in authority, but they must always remember, firstly, Social Services is run by the government, therefore they are civil servants, they work for US secondly and most important, if a grandparent fights to the best of there ability, and loses, there is no shame in that, they tried their best, and when that child comes in later life and asks what
have you ever done for me? they can say, hand on heart, we did our best. My self and Christine are always here if we can help anybody, get in touch.
3 years ago our grandson was assaulted by either his mother or her boy friend, Social Services didn’t hesitate in putting both children into foster care. we asked Social Services to bring them to us, as we lived next to the sea we thought they would jump at the chance. How wrong we were, so, we started having assessments to become family and friends carers, little did we know that a Social Worker had already begun adoption papers, they held our assessment back for 6 months, then they came to visit, “We’ve come to tell you why you are not getting the kids” we listened, wife in tears, Then she took great pleasure in telling my wife, “they’ll be easy to place” That sentence was
the last straw, I said to the manager “get your bag , get that bag sat over there and get out, and before you go I’ll promise 2 things, I’ll get the kids and then I’ll get your job” and off they went.
No solicitor would touch the case, apart from one. Up to this point all people had read about us, is what had been written by Social Services. I managed to contact the guardian, he came to visit, he was very abrupt, obviously had read Social Services lies, 3 days latter he phoned, “I want to see you both in Bradford in the company of the kids”, so off we went, we spent the afternoon at Alphabet zoo with the guardian looking on. A week went by, the guardian rang, ” I want to see the children in your home” the guardian came, we live on a leisure complex, I asked if he would like a look round he said “I’ve seen enough”.
He stopped the adoption, he spun the case there and then, Social Services were having none of it and started mud slinging, they even made us go to a shrink for an assessment thinking they’d get some dirt on us, after 12 months of court and £10,000, we walked into Bradford crown court, our barrister, a little gem came over, we could see the tears in her eyes, “YOU’VE GOT THE KIDS” Social worker sat there face like thunder I said “remember 12 months ago I promised 2 things, I’ve got number one.( tomorrow, how to get number2)
The next weekend I picked up the children from the foster carers to start their new life with us, driving home my g/d who then was 4 years old said “were getting a new mummy and daddy” I asked her who? “you and grandma silly” my heart melted, after all the fighting, all the tears and sleepless nights I knew myself and my wife had gone into hell, but came back with 2 soles that we snatched from a devil.
Many a person would have left it there, content that they had the kids, but we made a promise, and we intended to keep it, I started a complaints procedure, we got letters back saying nobody had acted improperly, I sent letters back saying we were not satisfied, and took it to another level, you see, a few months ago we were paying £250 per hour for a legal team to fight for us, now the boots on the other foot, it would cost me 37p to send them a boat load of complaints, every department had to read them, refer them and
answer them, until after 14 months we ended up back in Bradford, this time to the Town Hall. In we walked, met by the head councillor, through a door we could see about 8 people sat round a big table, the councillor said “before we go in, remember, you’ve got the children, its all over”, did this clown think I was a muppet?, we’d gone to hell and back and I wanted answers, we went in, 3 councillors, 2 complaints officers from the council, 2 from Social Services, and there she sat, the director of Social Services, they rattled on for an hour or more, excuse after excuse, then it was our turn, tie off, jacket off
sleeves rolled up, we didn’t hold anything back, but every point we put, we backed up with proof, a copy for all of them. The director of Social Services was made to face us and apologise. I was asked for one last comment I said “there’s a lot of good grandparents out there can give kids a loving home, but for the sake of a couple of hundred pounds, you’d rather put them into care. 3 days
later we received their findings, all points in our favour, “the panel would like to thank Mr and Mrs Green for their written and oral submissions and the manner in which they were presented, we further recommend the following improvements.
We hope our story gives you some hope in your fight.
Don’t give up ,best wishes, Andy and Chris G, East Yorkshire.
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In September 1993. our oldest granddaughter came to stay with us and when we saw that at almost six years of age she weighed only 30 lbs. we decided to apply for custody of her. After a long court battle we eventually received full custody of our granddaughter in March 1998.
We were first contacted on 15 December 1 999. by the social worker in Slough who informed us that they had become involved with a horrific case of abuse concerning our grandchildren and would we be willing to provide a home for them. As we had full custody of our oldest granddaughter we replied that we were more than willing to provide a home for these other children. We were further informed that if we stayed in the background everything would be all right regarding the children. On 10 February 2000 the four children were taken into care.
On 25 May, the Guardian ad Litem arrived in the afternoon to introduce himself and explain his role in the proceedings. He stayed for approximately 3 hours and took no notes. Before leaving he stated he had arranged for the children to come the following day and stay for a short visit. The children duly arrived the next day for a week’s holiday and returned home to their respective carers on 2 June. After their return home contact remained with the children on a weekly basis by telephone, this was arranged through the social worker. It was also arranged at this time that a local social worker would visit us on a regular basis to prepare an assessment for the court case in Slough.
He had a good relationship with the Slough social worker until 7 July 2000, when there was a court hearing and the social worker was changed. The Guardian ad Litem appointed a solicitor to act on behalf of the children and a child psychologist.
Between 30 August and the 2 September the psychologist came to assess my wife, son, his fiancé and myself After these assessments were carried out all contact with the children was cut. We realised at this stage that we required a solicitor in England.
On 8 September at our- request the social worker that had been assigned to the case arrived at our house, introduced herself and outlined what bad been happening as regards the case She stayed for about 2 hours and at no time did she take any notes. I later found out that on leaving my house she went to the local social work department and stopped the assessments being prepared since June.
Court case was held in Uxbridge on Jan 23rd 2001 when it was decided that the two youngest children would be put into care. Since the case we have heard nothing from Slough Social Services about where the children are or if the two older ones are together. We later discovered that we are entitled to view all reports held by the local authority on us but to date all requests have been ignored.
.There was only one person who carried out assessments on the extended family and yet they state the clinical psychologist, guardian ad litem and social worker came independently to the same conclusion. The judge made his decision on the assessments made by all three and in fact marked out praise on the social worker in his summation. We asked through a solicitor in December 2000, for all the papers in the case but only received a copy of the assessments carried out by the psychologist. To date we have requested to see all the reports and assessments held by Slough Social Services but all requests have been ignored. We have now received a complaint form but only after a number of requests were made through the Department of Health. Everything that has been stated we now have documented evidence of these facts.
Taking into account all the solicitor fees, court and travel costs we have paid out approximately £ 18.000.oop but like a lot of grandparents it is not the money. We only wish to know that the children are being well looked after and having access to see the children
If the law was changed to allow grandparents the same rights as parents then the costs of protracted court cases would be less to the tax payer through legal aid costs as a greater number of grandparents would qualify for legal aid. Grandparents may be the only persons who can inform these children in later years about their family and medical history.
Hugh and Margaret Rennie
9 Whitletts Road
Ayr KA8 OJA Tel – 01292 289 658
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by Sandra Docherty
Sandra, a Grandparent from West Lothian and her daughter Jan had a fall out a TIFF. It was one week before Christmas 1999 a special time for all families, especially Grans and their and their Grandchildren. Sadly Jan took it as far as stopping her children from seeing their Gran who, as stated in court, was for the past 11 years a loving Gran until the TIFF.
During the next 3 years Sandra was forced to revert to court proceedings because of her daughters determined attitude however, Sandra was always ready to resolve the matter out with court at any time if an agreement or reconciliation could be reached. Alas, Jan dug in deeper making all sorts of allegations towards her mother – none of which were true. Jan also managed to convince Sandra’s only son that his mother was a bad person and that Jan’s story was the true version of events. Sandra now has no family contact with either her own 2 children or her Grandchildren.
I ask you all ‘WHAT MAKES A DAUGHTER DO THIS TO HER MOTHER?’, all I can say is Jan will have to live with herself and her conscience for the rest of her life. Over a TIFF.
Many court appearances took place over the 3 years in question. Sandra’s first solicitor dropped her when it came to the fight. Sandra’s ‘eleventh hour’ solicitor, who is a fighter, tried his heart out for Sandra but pressure from the Sheriff even had him asking Sandra to call it off, but although the court proceedings were proving futile, Sandra was adamant, they fought on. The Sheriffs attitude to Sandra’s case was ‘Grandparents have no rights at all. (Prejudgement). Her solicitor was not given a chance to bring in solid witnesses to prove that her daughter was telling lies about her. It all came down to Jan’s solicitor’s cunning ploy, to state that the Grandchildren wanted no more to do with their Gran – they simply did not want to see her any more. WHY? Why would 2 young children who, as proven in court had a loving, caring relationship with their Grandmother, suddenly not want to see her anymore – was there something here that the Sheriff was not picking up on. Can children of 10 and 7 (their ages at the time their ALIENATION took place) really all of a sudden, decide a person is bad for them? Or are they being brainwashed into thinking this by another party? These children, I believe, are pawns in a game. They are being used as ‘power tools’ in a game their parents are trying to win.
It was proven in court that Sandra was a loving Grandparent and that the separation from her Grandchildren and herself started because of a TIFF between herself and her daughter Jan. The problem therefore is between mother and daughter not Grandmother and Grandchildren.
Sandra wants everyone now to know how she feels. This is worse than a death for her. She is grieving for 2 little girls who live so nearby her but she is unable to hold them, give them a cuddle, tell them she loves them – not even by letter (the Sheriff would not even allow that) they are ‘so near to her – and yet so far away’. “No contact” as spoken by the Sheriff, means exactly that, no birthday cards, no Christmas presents, no phone calls – NOTHING! His summing up comments were, [Avizandum following parties submissions],( whatever that means), the sheriff did however note that he would be awarding no award of contact and went on to say, that, “what Mrs. Docherty had done to upset the children in raising this action was nothing short of a disgrace.”
If this so called “wise man” (the Sheriff) had really been wise surely he would have saw through this charade and told mother and daughter to resolve their TIFF for the sake of the children. Families should be brought together by people like himself, not torn further apart. HE REMOVED THE PERSON, NOT THE PROBLEM.
Although Sandra’s hearts broken she lives for the day when, hopefully her Grandchildren will be old enough to decide for themselves if they want contact with their Grandmother. And I have no doubt that day will come. Until then she resolves herself to commit her time to helping other Grandparents out there who are going through much the same as she has been through, and with her charity work for Grandparents Apart Self Help Groups she will push for the rights that all Grandparents should have in this world ( if no other reasons involved) the right of contact, not by the whim of another.
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Hannah’s daughter Jill had just come out of prison serving 3 years for shoplifting and drugs. Jill’s daughter Jenny had been living with Hannah her Granny for 4 years and was set in her ways with friends at school who knew nothing about her mothers past life.
Jill decided she wanted Jenny back and Hannah was horrified as Jill had moved back to her old haunts.
Hannah contacted Social Services who told her they did not want to know, then she contacted a lawyer who started custody proceedings and lost costing her £8000,oop
Jill kept custody by saying she had learnt her lesson.
Hannah contacted Grandparents Apart Self Help Group Scotland and went to one of their meetings, pouring her heart out to the group she found a great comfort in knowing there was other people to support her and give her a friendly ear and a cup of tea, and to realise they were not only a support group but are trying to do something about it. Hannah has been a stout member ever since trying to change the law to give grandparents the rights they so deserve.
She has been to the Scottish Parliament to lobby and hand in petitions and the social life is pretty good too dances, race nights, karaoke nights, keeping herself really busy giving her a sense of worthwhile knowing she is doing something about it, with really dedicated mates, she finds when she is down one of the gang is there to help.
Jenny is Still with Jill and the reports are not to good, Hannah is standing up to be counted and is determined to get grandparents rights.
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Grandparents Jim and Jean were horrified to find that when their daughter fell out with them and told them they could not see their grandchildren.
They thought the tiff would blow over and she would come round but alas she stuck to her guns and the worse thing about it she had the law on her side.
Jim investigated to see what rights he had and was devastated to find he had literary no rights at all, and that grandparents had went to court and spent thousands of pounds of their nest egg with no results, they were broken hearted.
Jean saw an advert in a local newspaper and called the helpline Grandparents Apart Self Help Group Glasgow and went along to one of their surgeries staffed by volunteers who have undergone the same heartbreak and are dedicated to helping others experiencing the same problems.
The Group formulated a letter to send to Jim and Jeans daughter inviting her to attend a mediation session, she did and with the help of the group mediator reached an agreement and realised things had got out of hand, glad of the chance of intervention they are now a happy family again avoiding the trauma of going through courts that harms children and makes the problem worse, where children are used as weapons to get at one another, brainwashing the children for their own gratification, thankfully the daughter had the good sense to realise this and Jim and Jean realised the futility of further arguments.