September 2020 News

We have been working with the Scottish Government for the last 2 years in the build up to updating the Children (Scotland) Act; changes which are expected to become law in Scotland in 2021.

There are to be no changes to the legal position in the relationship between grandchildren and grandparents as the Government believe allowing grandchildren to have a right of contact with grandparents will ‘cut across’ the best interest of the child principle. We don’t understand this logic when the right would have been the child’s right to choose.

However alongside the legal changes to the Act the Government have created the Family Justice Modernisation Strategy which covers non legal changes and aims to improve things in support of what they say is the ‘important relationship’ between grandchildren and their grandparents. Only time will tell if this is enough to improve the lives of our grandchildren.

Please let us know if you are finding any change in the attitude of professionals dealing with families e.g. Social Services, Solicitors, Courts, Health Workers etc. as there is a commitment to retraining and monitoring these services.

If you are a grandparent and are cast aside unjustly by any of these, or any other professionals, please contact your MSP to let them know that the Family Justice Modernisation Strategy is not enough to protect children.

The Family Justice Modernisation Strategy is available at www.gov.scot

Please see information in our News section for more information on this topic.

Improvements for Grandparents and Grandchildren to help maintain their relationship.

The Scottish Government recently reviewed the Children (Scotland) Act and sadly declined to change the legal status of the relationship between the generations, despite their being an existing hereditary legal connection.

However, some improvements have been achieved within the systems which help families when problems arise. The Family Justice Modernisation Strategy shows non-legal changes which will help families in different difficult circumstances.

A Grandparent used to be easily excluded because they were deemed to be an ‘irrelevant person’. The definition of a ‘Relevant Person’ now includes anyone who has had significant involvement in a child or young person’s upbringing, which could include a grandparent. Keep a diary and note details to show you are or have been significant in your grandchild’s life.

The updated Act requires the court to consider the effect any order might have on a child’s relationships with other people. This could include the child’s relationship with their grandparents.

Minister Ash Denham has committed the government to actively promoting the ‘Charter for Grandchildren’ and highlighting ‘Your Parenting Plan’ which promotes the importance of grandparents and the wider family in a child’s life.

Court systems will also be improved and modernised to make any hearings more family friendly. Courts will in future have to inform the child of their decision. A child of any age can now give an opinion and professionals involved will be adequately trained in how best to ascertain that opinion in a manner suitable to the age of the child.

All professionals will now have updated training, including Trauma Training, to improve the way they deal with families and better support children in difficult situations. However, trauma training seems to lean towards the assumption that the abused parent is female and there remains a significant danger that male victims are not believed or adequately supported.
During consultation Women’s Aid had a huge influence on changes without the equality of input from organisations which support abused men.

The government have now committed to finding ‘alternatives to court’ by promoting other forms of dispute resolution e.g. mediation, arbitration, collaborative law, family group conferencing and family group therapy.

We can only hope that these changes impact positively on families and children in particular.

Grandparents Apart UK

Grandparentsapart.co.uk

Bullying, Bungling, Social Services.

Did you know that they:

• Falsify reports and twist facts.
• Claim meetings have taken place that have not.
• Alienate children from their natural family to make adoption quicker.
• Blackmail grandparents into looking after children without support.
• Have meetings in secret without notifying those involved.
• Shut out family members who are willing to help.
• Take control and you have no recourse.
• Still get away with this despite authorities being made aware of the problem.
• Remove children from families without good reason.

We continually receive complaints, concerns, worries and fears from families about Social Services and how they operate. We have highlighted this to the UK Parliaments but the damage to children is continuing.

Children’s welfare is involved here. ‘The Best Interests of the children’ principle is supposed to be the criteria that Social Services work with, but it has been replaced by ‘the cheapest and quickest way possible’ which is resulting in children and their families being mentally scarred.

We ask you join with us and sign up to demand action to stop the power crazed actions of Social Services (SS). Remember the Orkney fiasco – heavy handed removal of children without due cause, without listening, which has ruined the lives of families for ever. This is still happening.

We are a voluntary Free self-funded Scottish Registered Charity. SC.031558. We do not receive funding from outside sources. Thank you for caring.

Guidelines for Fathers

The Guidelines for Fathers has been created by Grandparents Apart UK based on experience, ( to contact ‘Shared Parenting Scotland’ – tel: 0131 557 2440 ).

(Avoiding Conflict, Protecting children)

Separation and divorce can be a nasty and bitter experience for every one concerned especially the children. It appears that 90% of fathers lose out on the relationship with their children, but it can happen to mothers too.

In our experience of dealing with grandparents that are denied contact with their grandchildren, there is often at least one parent involved too. In the end it is the children we care for when too often the conflict of hatred, spite and revenge ruins their lives.

We just hope you will not experience any of these horrors but! Some of you certainly will. Too often we have heard “I just can’t believe that she/he could go to these extremes like telling lies about domestic violence and using the children for revenge and blackmail to get back at me for their own selfish means”.

If you are experiencing marital problems or thinking of separating get in touch with a family group for advice. Do not delay and do not force your will on anyone. You don’t need to try to work it out alone. Contact any of us listed on the contacts list before you do anything, and we mean anything. If we can’t help we will know a person that can.

1. Urgent! Firstly contact an outside family agency, someone not involved with the family and keep contact throughout. You must resolve the situation without any aggression or incidents or you will fail. If you don’t heed this you will possibly lose your children as well.

2. Speak to someone in a help group before contacting anyone you are in conflict with. You will be too emotional to handle this on your own.

3. Do not swear or raise your voice or obstruct in any way if you do come in contact with your ex-partner or their family.

4. If the police become involved move away as directed immediately. The police don’t want to have to deal with family problems. Do not argue or try to reason as you will be removed and possibly charged with breach or harassment. This will never be removed from your record, even if you are innocent. It could be used against you if courts or Social Services become involved.

5. You may have to fight for any rights you do have regarding your children. Both parents can have equal rights on paper but don’t be fooled by this, in reality if you don’t live with your children, in the eyes of Social Services, schools and the police you have few rights at all. Always have witnesses to everything you do and record everything in a diary.

6. If you need a solicitor make sure they are family law specialists as others could possibly take your case and lack the necessary expertise. Be prepared to do most of the case work yourself.  They are your children, make sure you get things right, as you will only get one chance.

7. Mediation has resolved many disputes before a molehill becomes a mountain, before it involves accusing and condemning in court.  Make sure that the mediation is provided by an independent organisation like Family Mediation.  You will find them in your local phone book or internet. Mediation is not necessarily to help you get back together; it is to help you reach a reasonable agreement about your children.

8. There are incidences of the parent with residency, man or woman, can be guilty of false accusations so be prepared in case you find yourself falsely accused and branded as:-

a) Violent
b) Controlling
c) Abusive
d) Aggressive

All of these may be used to alienate your children from you.

9. If you gain a court order for contact, it is not always complied with and is often not enforced, making a mockery of our family laws. Your children don’t always gain from the involvement of solicitors and courts and these agencies can sometimes cause very real significant harm by their adversarial and lengthy procedures.

10. Remember to put your children first, not your fight with your ex-partner!

The Ten Commandments of Family Law

Created by Grandparents Apart

(What needs to change for our children’s best interest?)

1. Our motto is “Bringing Families Together” so we think the best interests of a child starts with Equal parenting when there is no factually proven reason not to. (This does not necessarily mean equal time spent with the child as this is not always practical, but does mean that both parents are equally important to the child).

2. The ‘Charter for Grandchildren’ to be Mandatory for Professionals working in Children’s welfare and answerable in law.

3. Children are human beings. Stop treating them as commodities like a business deal. Cost only criteria and can ruin children’s lives.

4. If adopted, contact should be maintained between the child and their birth family where appropriate, in line with article 8 of the UN Convention on the rights of the child. (Should only be prevented in the worst case scenario).

5. Kinship care before strangers – to be the first choice.

6. All below accountable to law.

• (a) False accusations.
• (b) Erroneous reporting by social workers.
• (c) Flouting of court orders
• (d) Social Services Orchestrating “cover up’s”, when children are failed

7. Proper recording of all social work meetings and discussions e.g. Dual tape recording similar to police proceedings (to prevent and combat item 6b and 6d)

8. More “transparency” and especially “accountability” for Social work and their managers.

9. Specialised training for social workers in the best interests of children.
(Only the most highly experienced social workers to deal in child protection)

10. Accusations removed from record, when not proven.

Grandparents Apart UK

Conclusions

The government is so against giving grandparents automatic legal rights to their grandchildren which I must confess we started out trying for but were getting all kinds of grief from parents.

The government at the time pointed out that it would cause more problems than it would resolve. We have listened to the government and with that in mind we looked for a compromise to bring families together rather than drive them apart.

The Charter for Grandchildren does not give grandparents any rights at all and does not interfere with the parent’s control of the child in any way but still ensures the children have the right to the best that their grandparents can offer if there is no real reason not to or an explanation why they are not included. The miserable rate they pay grandparents must save the council a fortune against foster care payments so why not use them?.

It could be said what we are asking for is already covered elsewhere but they need to be focussed for they are too spread apart for anyone to take notice of or find them.

In our experience the social services with their attitude towards grandparents has caused this conflict in the family ( See the Forgotten Children) which obviously must incur greater cost when grandparents fight to protect their grandchildren in drug and alcohol homes. They need to allay the fear and despair that children feel by letting them know they are not abandoned altogether. By being irrelevant persons it sends a signal to parents that there is a good reason to attend mediation. Children are losing out on so much because of this.

My colleagues and I have spoken to heads of social workers and told them about what goes on and they have said “oh dear, Oh my, this should not happen. It is obvious to us that the heads do not know or they turn a blind eye to the workers tricks on the shop floor. It would appear it is ok to tell lies as long as they say the magic phrase “in the best interests of the child” but it is actually in the social services best interests.

They lie about meetings having taken place and tell kids that their family does not want to see them (see attached) and vice versa. The social services say they look to grandparents first which our Grandparents are reporting is not the case. Grandparents are afraid to contact social services if they suspect child neglect or abuse and they try to deal with it themselves.

We advise against this. The reason being they are often the first to lose complete contact with the child/ren altogether as social services tell them “we don’t need to speak to you” In a crises if grandparents cannot take the kids they are told that they will probably be adopted and will never see them again.

Children brought up in the care system are very often non-achievers and are very badly traumatised by the loss of their family it is the worst thing that can happen to a young child. They learn more about drugs and crime in care and turn to gangs for the need to be wanted.

Last night I heard on the telly if a parents suspect their child is part of a gang, report it. Is this so the authorities can say it is the parents fault to make up a list of family reported incidents and ignore the products of the care system?

The main members of gangs are children who have had no stability in their lives or treated like a commodity as something to be disposed of by social services as quickly as possible to save money. In the long run saving money like this is building up for more cost when they are older.

A child who is treated right with all the love and stability of their family are the good citizens of the future or if treated like they are at present are surely the thugs that don’t let you sleep in your bed peacefully at night.

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Poetry Corner

To our Grandson Reece – Forbes Scott family
Gran, I do love you – Bob McMillan
Why me? – Bob McMillan
To My Gran – Stephen McInally
Where has my family gone? – June Loudoun
Why God Made Grandmas – Anon

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To our grandson Reece

Reece our grandson our little boy,
We wish we could still buy you your toy
And say see you tomorrow at the same time,
We miss you so much its like committing a crime
That all of a sudden your mum said no
Now its only from a distance we can watch you grow.
Now your growing up so very fast
You are now nearly 7yrs past,
From when you were born we all watched you smile
Every day from 7- till- 4
We watched you grow a little more.
Then one day when you were nearly three
Your mummy said on the phone that we were wrong
As we were learning Reece a really silly song
When we tried to tell her we thought she was wrong
That there was not even bad language in the song.
And to take Reece from us for the sake off this song
Come on you know you must be wrong.
Or was it because our son was not there anymore
She fell out with us and showed us the door.
All this just happened as Christmas fell
We had presents to give him she said go to hell
I will tell Reece you don’t love him no more.
Can you imagine his little face as she tells him those lies
I can hear him now as he lies there and cries
Its took us five years to make up this rhyme as
we have been crying all this time
But we will still miss him till the end of our time.
But as time goes bye and we have lost our youth
The day we all long for is to tell him the truth,
As I write this poem laying in bed,
We never stopped loving you and son I am telling you
No matter what’s been said
I am telling you son your daddy’s not dead.
©Charlie Solomon

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Gran, I do love you

When God made little children
He knew there was a need
For someone very special,
a special one indeed.
He’d made their mum and daddy
But still there was a gap
For one who’d sit for hours
With a wee one on their lap
A very special someone
Who everything would share
Who’d cuddle out the hurting
And chase away each care
A someone who would make things
Who always took the time
To listen to long stories
And took in every line
A very special lady,
No other kind would do
For a Gran is always special
and Gran, I do love you.
© Copyright Bob McMillan 1999-2010
Why did you do it? Bob McMillan
Why did you do it?
You don’t really care!
I brought him up
when you weren’t there.
Right from his birth
No love have you shown
My love is all
That he’s ever known.
Now YOU take him back,
You, a stranger unseen,
Waving court orders about
And making a scene.
Well listen, my friend
About you I don’t care
But your actions are hurting
The life that I share
With the grandson I love
And have treated as mine
So don’t smirk and tell me
that love to resign.
If you’d really cared
You’d ‘ve been there for the lad
But I brought him up
Through the good and the bad
So get out of lives,
Leave good well alone
Leave my darling with me
In our loving home.
© R. McMillan 5/11/2005

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Why me?

I’m scared of the shouting
My Gran is upset
A stranger is here
And calls me “Her pet”
She tells me “Get ready”
“you’re coming with me.”
I’ve always been happy
With just Gran and me.
So why should this woman,
A face I don’t know
Take me from my Granny
And tell me to go?
She says she’s my Mummy
And that may be so
But where has she been
And where will we go?
No one has asked me
Like my Gran seems to do.
Its just – do this and do that
And get moving now you.
I cling to my Granny and say
“Please can’t I stay?”
My Mummy says “No dear
We’re going away.”
PLEASE stop this and listen
I’m a person, though small
I don’t what this to happen,
No way at all!
Can’t you ask me what I want,
It’s my life you know.
If you really love me
Then let your love show -
By doing what I want
Not hurting my Gran
Just leave me here happy
To grow to a man.
© R. McMillan 7/11/2005

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To My Gran

This is for my gran
Who loves me and protects me.
Who gives me buns at dinner time.
And if there’s none Gran will run and get me some
Gran’s dinners are all my favourites.
There’s a long list of lovely foods.
And they all taste good. Gran’s buns are just a treat.
And they’re not very cheap.
Gran is great, fantastic and super.
She makes cakes and bakes them in her cooker.
I can’t wait to see my gran.
At dinner time or any time.
©Stephen McInally

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Where has my family gone?

- June Loudoun

Last Christmas was fun and a happy time
Lots of presents from that family of mine
Changes that have happened since those happy days
I don’t understand, they’ve gone by in a haze.
No-one will tell me why my family has gone
My Dad, Gran and Papa and cousins I long
To see them again have fun, laugh and run
Hear stories of old, tell them what I’ve done.
Mum says they don’t want me, but that can’t be right
They loved me last Christmas and try as I might
I don’t know what it is that I’ve done
That’s made them stop loving me, I miss the fun.
Mum’s upset and angry and won’t tell me why
I can’t see my family I just cry and cry
She says I must try to move on like her
But why can’t I see them, I liked how we were.
I know mum and dad were fighting too much
But I didn’t fight, I love them both such
A lot and I know Dad can’t stay here
But why can’t I see him, I like when he’s near.
Mum says it’ll get better, but I don’t see how
I miss my family, can I see them now
Adults don’t care, they don’t seem to see
Why adults don’t listen to children like me?
©Copyright June Loudoun 8/11/2005

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Why God Made Grandmas

God looked down on all his children
And decided then and there
That a grandma was needed
To give special love and care
She’d tell lots of happy stories
Or know special games to play
And with tender hugs and kisses
She’d chase children’s tears away
God thought of all the lovely things
She’d do to make life fun
And so he created a grandma
To be loved by everyone

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